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Take, O Lord, and receive |
So says Matthew Monnig, one of this year's 43 newcomers to the Society of Jesus in the United States. "It's one that I've tried to discern, and not merely a personal decision," he says.
Matthew is talking about the particularly Ignatian concept of discernment, the process of examining your personal situation and choosing the course of action most faithful to your life's calling. This examination, which requires listening to the promptings of the Spirit within, can be done alone or with the aid of a spiritual director. It is a process that novices have gone through in one way or another while making the decision to join the Society.
"About a year and half ago I came across Ignatius's 'Take, Lord, Receive' prayer in the Spiritual Exercises. I immediately loved it because it was such a simple statement of the spiritual path I wanted to follow. In many ways since, I've had glimpses of what is contained in those exercises, and all of them have whetted my spiritual appetite for the full 30-day retreat experience."
"I first thought about entering the Jesuits when I was in high school," says TJ Singleton, another of this year's entrants. "One pamphlet I remember reading discussed the positive role doubt can play in strengthening one's faith. During college I left the Church. I was not merely a nonpracticing Catholic; I considered myself an agnostic. But about a year after returning to the Church while in grad school, I began to consider the Jesuits again, in part because of that pamphlet I'd read years before. Rather than frowning upon questions, Jesuits encourage them because doubt should be confronted. By admitting I have doubts or questions I can look for explanations and answers instead of ignoring them until they defeat belief, which is what happened when I was younger."
"My interest in the Jesuits," says novice David Garnier, "started the summer of 1995, a couple of months after my confirmation and first communion. I'd picked up a copy of the life of Ignatius and was very moved by his story, that of a worldly man whose life had been completely turned around when he found faith, when he learned to recognize God working in his life.
"I'd been somewhat successful in business and had been a bit of a warrior, in a slightly different sense, and the experience I had during RCIA had completely changed my life. I was the same person, it was the same world, but everything had changed. I could relate to his story and experience."
David was drawn to Ignatius's willingness to serve people in the simplest of ways and the deliberation with which he went about his ministry.
"This functional methodology appealed to me with my engineering background," says David. "As I started visiting with Jesuits and getting to know them I felt comfortable, like this was where I was supposed to be. I came to appreciate their method of formation, the holistic approach that addresses spiritual and intellectual development and the practical experience of serving others."
"In the end my decision to apply to the Society was rather Ignatian in method," David continues. "Every day for several years I spent some time thinking about joining the Jesuits. Finally, I recognized the difference between my reasons for and against. When I thought about all the reasons not to join, not being smart enough or good enough, being introverted, and so on, I would be depressed. When I thought about becoming a Jesuit, when I convinced myself that I could do it, when I tried to picture myself in that role, it made me happy.
"I accepted the fact that my reasons against were just my standard litany of self-doubts that I could use to keep from doing anything new or challenging. I had to try, to head down this path, put the matter in God's hands, and see where it led."
Scott Hicke's discernment process also had a strong element of private thought. "My deepest conversation with the Society came when I thought I would be away from the Jesuits for a time," he remembers.
Scott attended St. Joseph's University in Philadelphia, where he had had experience with the Spiritual Exercises in everyday life under the guidance of his spiritual director, Fr. Nick Rashford, SJ, St. Joseph's president.
One theology course this chemistry major took in his senior year piqued his interest to the point that he decided to pursue graduate studies in the field at Duke Divinity, where he could study theology from a non-Catholic perspective.
"Being at a Protestant seminary for a theology degree made me field the Catholic questions by default; being there with others who were searching to discern how best to serve God and others made me field questions increasingly as I thought a Jesuit might.
"How jesuitical, then, to have been hooked by the Jesuits this way. The chance to be a part of a company whose presence in their absence could be so powerful, whose silence could speak volumes, soon became a center of my faith and life. The decision to enter the Society was not burdensome but came easily when I realized that, in a way, God had made it for me."
"One experience in particular emerges as decisive in my discernment process," says novice Joe Riordan. "In the summer of 1997, I made a pilgrimage to the tomb of the apostle James, located, according to tradition, in Santiago de Compostela in Spain."
Joe had come across mention of the camino de Santiago, the way of St. James, in his history studies, "and I was struck by the sense that this fascinating piece of medieval history might somehow touch my life." Joe's friends in Madrid, where he was studying, thought he was a bit crazy, "anachronistic" is Joe's word, but they wished him luck.
"I set off on foot from Pamplona with nothing but my backpack and my faith in the goodwill of the Spanish people to fall back on."
He battled exhaustion, weather, and self-doubt daily, gaining some psychological relief only when he would arrive at some place where he knew he could have hopped a bus back to Madrid. "But every day also brought its unique gift," Joe reflects, "even if it was only a picture of the Virgin Mary from an old peasant woman.
"I would often repeat as a kind of litany the words of the prophet Hosea as I walked in solitude: 'I have called you out to the desert, that I might speak to your heart.' " Joe's journey did indeed take him through hot deserts, also freezing mountains, small villages, and large cities. His journey lasted for weeks.
"I was fairly certain that God wanted me to be there, that He wanted to speak to me, but at the time the message seemed incoherent. I felt my heart moving in apparently contradictory directions. Sometimes I envisioned myself as a teacher; other times I felt called to evangelize the poor as a missionary; often I would long to shepherd souls as a parish priest. Slowly, I pieced together that I am called to do all these things, as a Jesuit."
Joe arrived in Santiago overcome with joy, remembering the words of companions along the way: "This doesn't end in Santiago, you know," they had told him. "Santiago is just the beginning."
"They were right," Joe says. "I like to think of my life and vocation as a continuation of that pilgrimage, and I trust that St. James will guide me home, as he has before."
Matt, TJ, David, Scott, Joe, and the other 38 novices are all on a journey that led them to
novitiates this year. Let us give them our best prayers and hopes as their journeys continue.
Matthew Monnig, 22, has a BS in physics and an MA in philosophy from Boston College, where he edited the student newspaper. He has studied in Paris and visited the Czech Republic, Switzerland, Austria, and Italy. He spent the last year in Poland as a Fulbright scholar. He enjoys running marathons, hiking, and climbing. (New England Province)